David Sedaris recently answered readers’ questions online:
Q. Am I wrong for thinking it’s a bit much that my co-worker is leaving early to tend to her sick guinea pig?
DS: I’ve never worked in an office, but it’s my understanding that on Fridays in the summer, anything goes.
Q. Do you have a comedian who cracks you up as much as you crack the rest of us up?
DS: I don’t know that she calls herself a comedian, but I always laugh at Julie Klausner’s “How Was Your Week,” podcast. The “Super Ego” podcasts make me laugh as well.
Q. David, how do you feel about pontoon boats?
DS: I don’t trust them!
Q. Should I be frightened by the fact that my husband considers your father a role model?
DS: Not at all. My father has many good qualities. He’s disciplined, he doesn’t curse, and he’s quick to forgive.
Q. How would you feel if you found out one of your closest friends had a tail and neglected to mention it to you?
DS: At first I’d be angry. Then I’d ask, very gently, if I could brush it out and braid it.
Q. How do you think a lady should eat corn on the cob?
DS: On a bench, with hobos.
Q: How do you feel about being part of my son’s HS required reading?
DS: I hate thinking that anyone might have to read something I’ve written. Having to write a paper about it makes me feel even worse.
Q. If you’re stuck at an airport, and there are no seats available at your gate, is it OK to sit on the floor?
DS: I wouldn’t do it, but perhaps that’s due to my age. If you’re twenty-five or under I suppose it’s okay.
Q. What’s your favorite word or phrase? Least favorite?
DS: I don’t have a favorite, but there are lots of words and phrases that get on my nerves. Lately I hate it when you offer someone something and they turn it down saying, “I’m good.”